- Location
- Morrison, CO
Well, you're looking for an Xterra. Luck has it, this is one!
Rumored to be designed by 4th degree Super Ninjas on the top of Mt. Fuji for Chuck Norris (yes, THAT Chuck Norris), the Xterra design was eventually sold to Nissan and they took the challenge of building it for us Americans. They succeeded in the best possible way, with only a nod from the Super Ninjas, which is better than a Congressional Medal of Honor. True story, look it up.
But this rig isn't for the mild at heart. If you need seat warmers, leather or even GPS, I'm sure there's a nice Acura for sale. You can swap biscotti recipes and drink tea with your pinky finger sticking out. Real men don't need their butts warmed up, they don't need leather seats, just a leather strap to hone their straight razors on (that also doubles as a belt). GPS? Really? If you don't know where you're going, how do you know you get there? Your inner compass does just fine, run with it.
This Zombie Apocalypse machine is capable. When I say capable, if Daryl would have had an Xterra when he was approaching the University, he wouldn't have been high centered on a stack of zombies. No, he would have giggled like a school girl, hit the go pedal and sprayed zombie juice all over the side and drove to the front doors. The sliders that protect the rocker panels are welded on too, so they're not going anywhere. Speaking of zombie juice, this thing has the blood and guts resistant interior. She comes with the neoprene seat covers, Genuine Nissan covers, actually, but they're dirty. Yeah, this truck gets used. There's a reason I call her the Ox, she just doesn't know when to quit and has never, ever, even thought of not doing her duty when called.
Everything works great on the Ox (feel free to rename her, she can take it). It goes forward when you put it in D, goes backwards when you put it in R, goes straight, turns left, turns right and even stops when you hit the brake pedal. Heater and A/C work great too. But if you need A/C, just put in your favorite Backstreet Boys CD, roll the windows up and you, with your crew, can head to the Justin Bieber concert in style. But beware, the Ox may scare everyone else in the parking lot, so you may want to park a little ways out.
She'll get you to hell and back. I should know, I've been there, several times. Most people just call it Amarillo, Texas, but either way, long trips are not a problem at all. In fact, don't be surprised if Chuck Norris and Seal Team 6 call you when they're in a bind and need a vehicle to finish tracking down some Taliban rebels itching to get to their 72 virgins. 'Cause they'll call, and you'll answer that call, because you'll own an Xterra.
A rebuilt automatic transmission adorns this hell beast from the planet Kick Ass. That's right, your morning cup o' Joe can rest comfortably in your calloused man hands while directing the Ox through the hoards of Zombies while cranking Metallica. Or the auto will allow you to flip off the Prius with the "coexist" and "Save the whales" stickers plastered all over it after they just passed you doing 90mph just to get off on the exit 20 feet ahead of you. Either way, you're free to do what you like with your free hand.
Seating 5 comfortably, or 8 super models and yourself (you may have to get used to that, yeah, it's that sexy), the Xterra still has room to fit luggage in the back and a couple of sheets of 4x8 plywood that you need to build that man cave above your garage. Or in your garage, because the Xterra is tough enough to live outside. In fact, Xterras like it outside. I don't know what she'd do if you actually parked her inside, she may get lonely.
It's black, like real trucks should be. Grey interior, but with the seat covers, it's light grey. A stock 6 disc, double DIN CD player controls the tunes and cruise control is standard.
The current zombie shredders are used and need replacing. The 33x12.50R15 TSL Super Swampers, wrapped around 15x10 steel rims, aren't made to ride like a Lexus. In fact, they shake like a pit bull shredding a teddy bear. The stock 16" aluminum rims go with it though. Those rims also have bald tires. So you'll need to put new rubber on her soon. But if you put a set of 285/75R16 tires on the stock rims, they'd fit nicely under the 3" of lift (1" of suspension and 2" of body lift). The Swampers rub a bit when turning tight, but that's a badge of honor, be proud of it, own it, scare the hell out of hipsters whenever you get a chance because they thrive on it. Or the 285's on the stock rims will fit without the rubbing issue the Swampers have. Either way, she needs tires.
So, if you're looking for a Zombie Apocalypse surviving, get in and drive it, 4WD, haul your junk around, save Chuck Norris' butt because you can, vehicle, this is it.
2002 Nissan Xterra
132k miles on the odo
A/C
Heater
Cruise
Automatic trans (rebuilt 7k miles ago)
Timing belt, tensioner, water pump and thermostat all replaced 20k miles ago
4WD
3" of lift (combo suspension and body lift)
33" tires (on steelies but will come with another set of stock 16" aluminum rims with bald tires on them)
Sliders (welded on)
Fresh steering components
6 disc factory radio
Nissan neoprene seat covers (dirty, but hey, they did their job, right?)
Factory fog lights
I need $5k for her. Cash. No pesos, I don't speak Spanish, I won't take a check, I won't take gold or a trade. I need cash and I need it in American greenbacks. Call or text me at (303) 437-6190.
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