Spill The Beans Thread

bigjim247365

Anime boobs & male genitals? Sign me up!
Supporting Member
Location
Hainesville IL
whoa TJTJ, thats deep sir.


well i guess ill go..
-for just over a year my passager CV outer boot clamp has been missing and my CV just started to make noise this past wheeling trip.
and the worse thing is i cant find the motavation to replace it at the moment.

-before i bought my Xterra off my father i hated her. i thought she was this dumb looking grocery getter and slow as hell.
that quickly changed when i first went wheeling 4 years ago, then i bought her, now i love her.

now for some non-Xterra related stuff.
-i wish i wasnt such a "good guy" back in highschool. i wish i could go back and tell some people to kiss my @$$ and punch a few faces. luckly after being out of HS for nearly 3 years now, ive become more of a solid person and know who i really am and what i wanna do with life.
-i wish me and my father didnt have such opposite personalities. hes a white collar city slicker and im a blue collar wildman. i also wish he tought me spainish.


thats all i can think of for now.
 

Roadwarrior

Titan Swapped / SAS'd
Founding Member
I was so over highschool I do not think I am going to go to my highschool reunions, I just don't care about the people there.

I have fallen for this girl and I cannot get my mind off of her. I am not going to get into it anywhere and I don't want advice, just know thats what runs through my brain.
 

AZhiAZiAM

Suspension Lift
Location
Fresno,CA
Guess i will join, i grew up in a good family setting we have always gotten together good except the normal farther and son issues. I have a really hard time trusting people and letting my shield down and letting them in. To this day i still have a very hard time trusting women because of the fear of once i let it down i will get destroyed. Which is probably why people think icome off as a complete asshole and a horrible boyfriend. About two years ago i moved home to save up money for a house as did my sister, she got pregnant. I was completely upset at her toldher to get an abortion and she didnt listen to me. I told her she wasnt in the right situation to have a kid and she needed to care of the situation. Of course she didnt listen, one nighnight after jordan was born 11days to be exact my sister was tired so i toldher id stay up with jordan and give him his night bottle and put him
bsck to sleep. That night i did exactly that jordan feel asleep on my chest and around 230 in the morning i woke up being a very light sleeper looked down on my chest after feelpng something i saw blood, felt for a pulse and hear him breathing nothing. I yelled at my dad told him to call 911 i needed assistance and to keep my sister away from me, i put him in my arms did cpr until the fire department and medics showed up, i continued to do cpr in the backof the ambulance got to our closest er i pronouced him dead, i had to neet my sister outside and tellher that her 11 day old son had died. And i took complete credit for this whole situation likei failed my sister. To this day my job a firefighter for those of you that dont know, i am completely cold and have no heart towards much. Writing this makes me shake and rage, i am mad at whom ever controls things in tthis world. My dad became a preacher afterwards his way of escaping i believe my sister just got engaged and i dont believe that either of us will ever have kids. i can tell my mom is slightly depressed about it and her moments and takes anti depressants. Everyone says ive never been the same since. Carrying his casket was one of hardest things ive ever done. I myself found a way of deaking with it with perscription pills, got really deep into them and had a hell of a time turning awaty from them, now other things help me like the gym and other hobbies. Almost no one knows about the oills except my sister and you folks.
 
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Roadwarrior

Titan Swapped / SAS'd
Founding Member
Wow man, I am sorry about that situation. I know that sorry cannot even begin to cover what is needed in this situation but know that we are here to support you. Keep Calm and Chive On man, it will all get better soon.
 

TJTJ

Skid Plates
Founding Member
Location
NJ
Guess i will join, i grew up in a good family setting we have always gotten together good except the normal farther and son issues. I have a really hard time trusting people and letting my shield down and letting them in. To this day i still have a very hard time trusting women because of the fear of once i let it down i will get destroyed. Which is probably why people think icome off as a complete asshole and a horrible boyfriend. About two years ago i moved home to save up money for a house as did my sister, she got pregnant. I was completely upset at her toldher to get an abortion and she didnt listen to me. I told her she wasnt in the right situation to have a kid and she needed to care of the situation. Of course she didnt listen, one nighnight after jordan was born 11days to be exact my sister was tired so i toldher id stay up with jordan and give him his night bottle and put him
bsck to sleep. That night i did exactly that jordan feel asleep on my chest and around 230 in the morning i woke up being a very light sleeper looked down on my chest after feelpng something i saw blood, felt for a pulse and hear him breathing nothing. I yelled at my dad told him to call 911 i needed assistance and to keep my sister away from me, i put him in my arms did cpr until the fire department and medics showed up, i continued to do cpr in the backof the ambulance got to our closest er i pronouced him dead, i had to neet my sister outside and tellher that her 11 day old son had died. And i took complete credit for this whole situation likei failed my sister. To this day my job a firefighter for those of you that dont know, i am completely cold and have no heart towards much. Writing this makes me shake and rage, i am mad at whom ever controls things in tthis world. My dad became a preacher afterwards his way of escaping i believe my sister just got engaged and i dont believe that either of us will ever have kids. i can tell my mom is slightly depressed about it and her moments and takes anti depressants. Everyone says ive never been the same since. Carrying his casket was one of hardest things ive ever done. I myself found a way of deaking with it with perscription pills, got really deep into them and had a hell of a time turning awaty from them, now other things help me like the gym and other hobbies. Almost no one knows about the oills except my sister and you folks.

I think if you had NOT told her to get an abortion, you would not have been wracked with guilt about him dying.

You didn't kill the baby, it died in your arms, perhaps comforted and feeling loved. LOTS of people contemplated abortions, or wished ill upon others, and then later, the wished for event happens, and they feel like its their fault.

There's a HUGE difference between THINKING or SAYING "I wish so and so would get hit by a bus", and running them over with a bus.

There's a HUGE difference between telling your sister that its a bad time to have a baby, and to have an abortion, and ABORTING the baby yourself.

You didn't perform an abortion, you had accepted the baby as being a bad idea, just like LOTS of kids are, and are loved anyway once they are born...and proceeded to bond with him.

Even if you accidentally rolled over on top of the kid or dropped him on the floor in your sleep, you STILL were not performing a 10th month abortion, you were involved in an accident.

Jordan's time on earth was not shortened, or even made less pleasant by you...if anything, you made him feel safe and comfortable enough to sleep, which for an 11 day old kid, is nice.

You were the victim of bad timing, not prior conception-era thoughts causing post delivery actions.

You may not need to be Az High Az You Might Be to cope, if you can internalize that advice and actions are not the same, and that its not your fault.
 

Ripper

Bought an X
Location
Western MA
I have a really hard time trusting people and letting my shield down and letting them in. To this day i still have a very hard time trusting women because of the fear of once i let it down i will get destroyed. Which is probably why people think icome off as a complete asshole and a horrible boyfriend. .

I have the exactly the same issues. I don't trust anyone especially women! It is very hard for me to let my guard down and have only done it with two women, and both of them have completely destroyed me internally. They (among many other reasons) why I am so cold and careless when it comes to other people. I hate the fact that I can only be affectionate when no one is around or I am in a private setting.
 

TJTJ

Skid Plates
Founding Member
Location
NJ
The people who says its better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all, have had time to heal from the lost part.

I wish there was a way to fast forward that process, but there is no universal remote for people, so there's no FF button available.

The irony of it is that those who are cold and lonely because they are afraid of being cold and lonely, essentially ensure that they will be cold and lonely until they realize that.

Once it sinks in that the only way out of a hole is to climb out, and, yes, you might fall again, but, if you do, you are still in the same hole anyway....they start climbing, and are able to see failure as a process the same way success is a process, and they they are the SAME process, but, it just depends on when you look at it. If you look too early, its still failure. If you wait long enough to look again, its success.

So if you're lonely because when you were not lonely you were happy, and then when you were rendered lonely and then unhappy, the cure is to not be lonely again.

The way to STAY lonely is to NOT connect with others, so you isolate yourself...and avoid connections that might hurt if broken...so you basically break them pro-actively.

The way to NOT stay lonely is to MAKE connections with others, and NOT isolate yourself, and to NOT avoid connections that if broken might hurt.

It takes bravery to face danger, and, getting hurt is a type of danger. If you are too frightened to risk getting hurt, you don't go skiing, or chew gum with sugar, etc....depending on HOW frightened you are.

The way they treat people who are terrified of spiders for example, is to put them in a room full of spiders, and when they stop screaming and crying, they eventually realize that they are OK, and that spiders won't really hurt them. (Or the spiders killed them, and the doctors moved on, etc...)

If you are too afraid to risk being nice to someone because you might like them and they might like you and then they might not like you anymore....you have to FORCE yourself to try to be social, and try to connect...and try to fight the fear welling up inside you.

Cliff Jumpers, etc, will tell you that they are never more alive than when they are facing death.

If you are not emotionally alive, you are already sacrificing part of your life...and suffering the misery that you are trying to avoid.

If you can summon up the courage to risk death, then, you can also try to summon up the courage to risk LIFE.
 

Xterrafauss

Suspension Lift
Something else about me.

This was me about a year ago at about 260, then me about 4 months ago at around 230. Then about a month ago I was right around 215ish (right around the time nXm was). Now that I have started running more and actually working out correctly and eating better I am already down to 200.

I don't have an end goal I'm just gonna keep going until I'm comfortable I guess.


The picture
image_zpsd022f8ed.jpg
 

drbandkgb

Titan Swapped / SAS'd
Founding Member
Something else about me.

This was me about a year ago at about 260, then me about 4 months ago at around 230. Then about a month ago I was right around 215ish (right around the time nXm was). Now that I have started running more and actually working out correctly and eating better I am already down to 200.

I don't have an end goal I'm just gonna keep going until I'm comfortable I guess.


The picture
image_zpsd022f8ed.jpg

Great job buddy!

How did you do it
 
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