I'm so SICK and TIRED of this!!!!

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ericcris10sen

First Fill-Up (of many)
------------RANT---------------

Sorry for this rant, this is the ONLY place I really have to rant that people I know don't go on so I NEED to get this off my chest as it's fricken making me pissed at the moment. Also, I've edited some words so I don't use the entire F word or just delete it. I've also edited some other things because apparently they're curse words as well lol sorry about that. But I'm so used to saying it, just not having it in here makes me feel like I'm not as tired and pissed as I really am. So my apologies ahead of time if you DO read this. It said life issues so I thought this thread would be a good place to vent.


My gobble I am so sick and tired of people making such a HUGE f'ing deal out of EVERYTHING!!! Oh, you didn't send me anything on mothers day! Oh you didn't call when I graduated college! Oh this, oh that! Listen, I'm working 9 hour shifts and it's JAM PACKED at this park. I MEAN JAM PACKED. This is the busiest time of the ENTIRE YEAR and we're getting over 4 THOUSAND people EVERY DAY. Please excuse me for not running to the store before work (which is 20-25 miles away BTW) and try to find a gift for mothers day. I called when I could. I get NO cell phone service where I work and those areas where I DO get service, I'm working at a gate where people are coming through the gates CONSTANTLY. You get NO time to sit down and have a phone call. Sorry I called right after work when I was driving home at 9pm to wish you a happy mothers day only to get griped at because I didn't buy flowers or a gift like I do EVERY YEAR. Yea, because one year I didn't do it, it means I don't love you anymore. RIGHT. Yea, I guess we can forget that piece of jewelry I bought for Xmas last year because that doesn't count, RIGHT? We've already made amends and I feel no guilt or sorrow, we just moved past it.

Now my friend who is supposed to come over btw next month, is complaining because I didn't congratulate him on graduating college. Yea, it slipped my mind. Again, work is f'ing HECTIC as hell and I have a LOT going on in my F'd up mind and I'm trying to deal with my stress levels from all the A-holes who come through the gate (not calling all visitors A-holes, I'm calling the ones who gripes and moan about the park or the traffic or the lines or whatever it may be and feel I give two F's about what they think. Sorry, it's great people are getting out and seeing the parks but I NEVER asked for 4,000+ people a day to come here and make this park a living HELL). So yea, it slipped my mind that you graduated on a certain day.

You know what? No one other than my parents that came over and saw me or congratulated me when I graduated boot camp. No one (other than my parents) called me and welcomed me home when I got back from Iraq. I passed training for Wildland Fire and didn't care for anyone to congratulate me for that. I can go on with my accomplishments and how no one congratulated me on what I've done but you know what? I DON'T CARE EITHER WAY. What I do and what I accomplish is because I WANT the outcome. I want it and so I go for it. I don't need someone saying, hey! Good job! Hey! Good job! Hey! Good job! For everything I do. I get it. You really strived for those grades and you graduated college. Cool dude. Awesome. Do I really need to pat you on the back for it? My BLOOD brother graduated college with a VERY VERY difficult degree (honestly can't remember the name, he would weigh the risks of companies) and he didn't need or want anyone to say, hey really good job on it! Hell, I never even said congrats for it because it was something he wanted and so he went for it and got it. You should feel good about yourself for accomplishing something and you shouldn't NEED someone to sit there and pat you on the back.

Then he goes around and always says, "why do I always need to be the one who says how are you doing and start up a conversation?" Umm because you're not working, you're 2 states over and you have a lot of free time on your hands. I'm working 9 hour shifts in one of the busiest parks in the US and when I get home around 8-9pm almost every week, I need to sit and relax when I get home and eat, maybe play games and go to bed. I don't think, hey, I need to call this person up and see how they're doing! Heck, I don't do that with my family! My mom is the one who almost always sits there and texting me but with my dad or my brother, I almost NEVER text them unless there's something to say. I mean, they're living their lives and doing what they're doing and we don't feel the need to sit here and try to make small talk.

I just don't get this. Everyone is so damn sensitive (these aren't the only instances) about everything. I think with my friend especially, he's never had any real life experiences. He still lives with his parents and he used to work at Costco then quit, got another job and quit because his "back hurts when sitting down for the entire day" so now he's jobless and has been for a little while. Dude, I joined the military when I got out of high school. I was yelled at, forced to do PT. Woken up with practically no sleep in boot camp. I went to my first base at 19 and 6 months later went to Iraq where almost daily our base was shot at by mortars or missiles. He'd piss his f'ing pants the first time and couple times he heard the anti-mortar/missile rounds being fired off. That ****'s loud as HELL. I've seen a dead body blow almost in half after a failed assassination attempt with a VBIED. When we were staying in the pods for those who were about to leave, we had a mortar round land so f'ing close to where we were staying, it shook the damn ground and was deafening. My backs torn to heck and hurts every day I get up and do ANYTHING physical because of my service. I have ulcerative colitis because of my time in Iraq. I have anger issues and sometimes depression for whatever stupid reason when I was in the mil. I've worked my ass off to get in wildland fire and it was a great feat when I passed the tests. I've almost been homeless because of no work. I've been flat out broke because of no work. My very good friend and wildland fire/hotshot lead committed suicide a couple months ago. The shelter I volunteer at had a pitbull that I absolutely fell in love with and made me happy, had to put her down because the state said she couldn't go anywhere because of her history. This happened out of the f'ing blue and happened that same day they told me which was right before I went to work. I HAVE life experiences so I guess to me, small **** like what people complain that I don't do like, call and say what's up every single day, just irritates the living **** out of me. You're my friend and we've BEEN friends for a very long time and I know that.

But I'm trying to live my own life here. I get up. I go to work. I come home. I do some things and go to bed. That's my fricken day. I'm tired and sore as hell from standing up for over 9 hours because of the damn traffic here every single damn day, and from talking every single minute I'm at work because everyone has 1000 questions and even if they didn't, I'd still be talking because they DON'T STOP COMING. I'm tired of talking and when I get home I just want to NOT say anything.

I don't know. Maybe this makes me insensitive and an a-hole but I'm just tired of people whining and complaining about mundane things. I'm just right now so sick and tired of life. Maybe I need to work in a different department or at least, a different park. Who knows what I should do anymore.
 
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ryandavenport

First Fill-Up (of many)
Location
Middle Tennessee
Completely agree with your last paragraph. If you carry a job that doesn't allow you to make time to call family and friends then it isn't worth it. At some point that job won't be there anymore. Your family and friends will always be there so they deserve the effort that they ask for. Sorry if you were wanting responses in agreement to yours, but I can't do that. Everyone has something that made life difficult for them. You pick it up and move on and don't hurt the ones that love you.


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Intender

Wheeling
Location
Lewisville NC
I totally agree with most of what you said. Needy adults annoy me. If you need affirmation and praise for everything you do in your life you have issues. If its kids its different because they actually need the praise and affirmation, but if you are out of high school and cant get by without being told good job, and how awesome you are then you will annoy me.

As for the job, working in the parks system is always going to be that way. The off season will be slow. The rest of the time is chaos. Most people are stupid and angry and tired by the time they get to you and you just have to let it go. They arent actually angry with you. But i would also say if you find satisfaction in your job and actually enjoy it, keep at it. Your family will still be there because they are family. And if your friends cant deal with not talking to you for short periods of time then that's their problem. When (if) you get older and have kids you will find that despite your best efforts you might go 6 months, or even a year or more without seeing some of your friends. Especially if they have kids. But on the random chance that you get to hang out with them it will be like it was just yesterday when you saw them.
 

ericcris10sen

First Fill-Up (of many)
I totally agree with most of what you said. Needy adults annoy me. If you need affirmation and praise for everything you do in your life you have issues. If its kids its different because they actually need the praise and affirmation, but if you are out of high school and cant get by without being told good job, and how awesome you are then you will annoy me.

As for the job, working in the parks system is always going to be that way. The off season will be slow. The rest of the time is chaos. Most people are stupid and angry and tired by the time they get to you and you just have to let it go. They arent actually angry with you. But i would also say if you find satisfaction in your job and actually enjoy it, keep at it. Your family will still be there because they are family. And if your friends cant deal with not talking to you for short periods of time then that's their problem. When (if) you get older and have kids you will find that despite your best efforts you might go 6 months, or even a year or more without seeing some of your friends. Especially if they have kids. But on the random chance that you get to hang out with them it will be like it was just yesterday when you saw them.

I know! That's what I'm saying! We're not in hs. I feel it's childish to sit there and want praise for accomplishing ****. Like you accomplished it because YOU wanted it. You strove for it and got it. Great job. Cool. But yea, I could have called and said congrats but if I don't, then who the hell cares? Seriously? Why is it a big deal? Again, him being so damn needy is because he has NEVER really had any life experiences. I've been on my own practically since I was 18. I've gone to a hostile area. I've shot some big ass guns as a part of my job. I've been all around the US when I was a seasonal NPS employee. I've driven state to state, park to park. I've driven from Arizona to Alaska and back and THAT is an experience. I guess I just don't care about the little b.s. anymore. I don't care if no one calls on Xmas. I don't care if I get any present for xmas or my bday. I just don't care. I don't hold on to things like that as I have enough problems in my life to worry about.

I'm sending him a message on FB right now (that's how he told me his "frustration" before, that other than my mom, I talk to him more than anyone in my family. My brother and dad? Last time I actually talked to them was in February, when I actually came to visit. Other than that, we don't ever text or call each other because really.....what's there to talk about? I know what they're doing over there and they know what I'm doing over here. So yea, I talk to you more than most of my blood family, and if we're such great friends, and I think we are, then you should feel grateful that I don't send a text every 3 or 4 or 5 months saying, sup, like I do to them.

Yea but this park is one of the most busiest parks in the US. We get over 4k people in a single day. We need to start implementing traffic control into the park. Like hey, we have all the parking areas full, all the pull offs full, and we practically can't fit anyone else in here, so lets shut it down. Those of us who have to deal directly with the public are already worn out. When we're working we get a 30 minute lunch break and that's it. Otherwise no matter where you are, you have a line of traffic or a damn line of rv's and trailers waiting to go through the tunnel, so you're busy ALL THE TIME....for 9 hours....so we're worn out as hell and we're already seeing a 30% rise in visitation so it's going to be busier than EVER.
 
C

Casper

Guest
I read this many years ago (sadly not soon enough in my life) and it really struck a cord with me, and I believe is ONE HELL of a good philosophy to live by.
It has been written differently over the years, but I always liked this version best...

LIFE PHILOSOPHY AND A BEER
A meteorology professor stood before his Meteorology 101 class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty glass mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a jar of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar and of course the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous yes.

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and then proceeded to pour the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the grains of sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things -- your family, your partner, your health, your children, your friends, your favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. Play another 18.

"There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend."

 
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Cruecible

Titan Swapped / SAS'd
Location
Albuquerque, NM
Not gonna lie Josh, that was a very good post and definitely something to take to heart.

There are always different circumstances surrounding relationships with family and friends. Some have good ones, and some don't. For me (in keeping with your post's philosophy), some of my family is the sand. And it sucks, bad. No matter what I do or have tried, it's just going to be that way and I've realized I can't get tied up in trying to change something that isn't ready for change.

On that note, I think it's very enlightening and helpful to determine what are the golf balls and what makes up the pebbles and sand. When I was able to figure this out, my life improved greatly.
 

ericcris10sen

First Fill-Up (of many)
Okay, when I'm working, I don't have cell service. When I'm home, I have cell service. And it's not like I don't cherish my family and friends. I'm so damn tired of working and talking every breathing second at work because of the mass amount of f'ing people coming into the park, that when I get home, I just want to unwind and relax and watch a movie or play games, not talk some more on a phone or text. My dad and my brother are the same way like me. They don't need to or want to text or call because they know what I'm doing, and unless they have a question or they feel something needs to be discussed, there's no point in calling and more or less, bothering someone who may be trying to relax or is doing something.

Again, I text my friend every couple weeks or so and say what's up and how's it going. Other than my mom, he's the one I talk to the most so it's not like he should be so upset that I don't text him daily or weekly. I just don't see the point in that.

Listen, my good friend, supervisor, mentor and crew leader killed himself a couple months ago. The shelter I volunteer at had a pitbull that I've grown to love and care about DEEPLY and I've been vigorously searching for an apartment that'll take her, has euthanized her because the state demanded it. This f'ing WEEKEND has been hell for ALL of us as it's the BUSIEST weekend of the entire year and we're all EXHAUSTED and just irritated with the amount of people coming here and doing stupid ****. My back has been KILLING me because I'm literally standing for 9 hours a day because other than my lunch break, I don't get breaks and there's no breaks in traffic at this park. So yea, I'm not doing super great right now and I REALLY don't need someone *****ing and moaning about not calling them and saying "hi" or "what's up". That's the F'ing LEAST of my fricken worries right now. I personally feel that it's inconsiderate of him to sit there and say how rude it is for me do not do this or that no matter how small it is without thinking, hey, I'm going to see if something's up or hell, I'm going to let it go because it's really nothing to be upset about in the grand scheme of things. He's (me) has already invited me over to stay for more than a week at his place so we can hang out and have fun and go places so obviously that shows he is still a good friend of mine and I should have nothing to worry about.

I mean seriously, give me a break. I don't get holidays off. I even work government shutdowns because of how this fricken park is ran. Yea, holidays and other events don't matter much to me because I don't get them off! So when that happens, days run into each other and I don't even pay attention to what's coming up so yea, I may miss some things whatnot. I dunno, again. Maybe I'm an a-hole and am inconsiderate. Maybe that's the way I am now. Idk and this is the reason now-a-days I just want to be left alone. So much useless f'ing drama.
 

ericcris10sen

First Fill-Up (of many)
Well, I think my point should have come across already as this has happened before where he gets all upset because I don't call him every week or whatever he wants. Pretty much what I told you is what I just sent him in a message; minus saying it's childish and whatnot. I know how he gets. He's too damn sensitive about everything and if I give him a hard time or if I was to tell him something he didn't want to hear, like how insensitive it is to sit there and say how rude it is to get upset at this crud, then I know he'll get into a pissy fit. I like the dude, I really do. He's a nice guy and he's pretty outgoing and he's in some ways is into the same things as I am and we get along famously. But this whole thing about wanting to talk frequently irritates me. We're not in a fricken relationship. As good of a friend as he is to me, we're not blood family and like I said, he should be at least somewhat happy that I talk to him more than some of my blood family members.

So to answer it, well, in a way yes. But he'll try to spin it off on me and I'm not the one to sit there and talk about my feelings with ANYONE because especially when it comes to him, he'll make it out to be something more than it is. Like when he finally got a facebook account like a month ago, he found out my friend killed himself and just went into this whole sensitive mode and asked me how I was doing and **** and if I needed to talk. That just really makes me feel awkward. No I don't need to talk about it. No, the way I am isn't because of that incident, I've been this way for a while.
 

Cruecible

Titan Swapped / SAS'd
Location
Albuquerque, NM
Man, I can't tell you how much I completely understand where you're coming from with him. I had a friend, Will, who was the exact same way. I felt like he should know how I felt because I tried to tell him all the damn time but it never seemed to get through to him. I tried everything I could, and genuinely wanted to be friends with him because we were friends for 7+ years and have been through a lot together. In the end though, I realized that mentally I was not in the right place to continue the friendship and neither was he. He was parasitic to my achieving success spiritually, mentally, and physically. Who knows, maybe someday I'll give him a call and catch up over some beer and sushi.

I hope you get everything sorted out though. I know how much it ate at me and my sanity, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
 

ericcris10sen

First Fill-Up (of many)
So, this just happened:

I understand you are busy. For future reference just know that I appreciate your communication and effort to our friendship. Also, in regards to congratulating me on my accomplishment.

As well, I have decided not to visit in June. There were multiple factors that contributed to my final decision. Enjoy your vacation and time off.

So yea, he's not coming over. Sure, I didn't have a ton of **** planned out. Sure, I didn't take this vacation JUST for us to hang out. Yea, it didn't take 2 months for me to finally get it approved. You see that **** after the first comment? Also, in regards to congratulating me on my accomplishment. Why is it that I NEED to ****ing congratulate someone for completing college? Seriously? Are you serious that I need to congratulate you? You want an accomplishment? How about boot camp? How about coming back alive from ****ing Iraq? How about passing my wildland fire training with a jacked up back? How about that? I didn't say, hey bro, you didn't congratulate me! That's f'd up! You know why? BECAUSE IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. You know what dude, go ahead. Don't come over. I'm just tired of it. Tired of all the bull crud high school drama. I'm sure he still has that drama because he still lives in the town he grew up in which has a lot of unnecessary drama. But I don't and I've been done with that BS.

I'm not sour against him for that. I'm just sour that he let this immature bs to get in the way of coming over and having fun for over a week. I'm just tired and I'm done. Gotta love life huh?
 

Macland

Titan Swapped / SAS'd
Founding Member
I agree with Casper and I really wish he hadn't deleted his posts because I read them and they are spot on.

It's ok that you are upset that this dude got butt hurt instead of dealing with the fact that you're not the type of friend that he wants. He should have recognized that then and moved on, I think he has now.

I agree with Intender 100% that at a certain point you may not talk to someone for an extended period of time and it feels like you picked up where you left off, but that kind of relationship takes building and effort. You aren't this dudes significant other but every relationship takes effort, just variations in degree.

And that dude asking how you were doing after a friend/co-worker of yours commits suicide is a FRIENDLY thing to do. It doesn't make him a talk out your feelings sissy, it means he wants to check that you don't go down the same road if you're having trouble. It takes a grown ass man to talk about his feelings and be honest with himself.

I know one things for damn sure, I'd rather someone ask me if everything was ok and everything actually was ok than for no one to ask ever and have something eating me up inside.
 

ericcris10sen

First Fill-Up (of many)
@Macland I don't think he's moving on from anything other than not coming over. He's pretty much just brushing it aside because he's still trying to talk to me which I'm not sure I care to answer him tbh. Well we've been friends since like 6th grade. Only thing is, I've moved away from that town and am doing things while not to dis him, but he's not, which is okay but I think once he gets a job, once he moves out of his parents house, once he starts paying for his own bills and working actual job hours and whatnot, he'll see it's not always going to be super easy to sit there and try to get in contact with 10 people who are constantly trying to text you or whatnot. Sometimes you get off work and want to be on your own because work CAN be stressful.

Yea I'm not saying what he's doing isn't a friendly thing to do. That's mostly an issue I have. The whole military crud of keep your issues to yourself unless it's going to effect the mission/job type of thing. I don't like talking about my issues and my feelings especially if it's on a deeper level, with anyone other than a friend who I may consider a brother, and I've only had one person like that and he was someone in the military. We both had issues and fought through them side by side and he was the only one who could make me feel good about it and not make it out to be some super huge thing. I feel SUPER FRICKEN awkward and just all around strange when someone tries to go on a deeper level with my on what I'm going through. Don't like the feeling.


Ehh...I'm honest with myself with my problems. I've acknowledged them but for some reason, just don't care anymore lol feel it has been going on for too long and if it couldn't have change since they started, they probably won't.

I'm not going to let this ruin my vacation though. If he doesn't want to come over, then he doesn't have to. I'll do crud on my own.
 

Macland

Titan Swapped / SAS'd
Founding Member
I understand man, it is extremely difficult for someone lacking life experience and responsibility to "get it".

Good for you continuing on with your vacation, I think that everyone needs a break now and then. Well I'm glad he's not giving up on being your friend, but if anything you at least have his life catching up to him to look forward to. As soon as that happens you'll find he "gets it" more and you'll click better again. It probably will never be on a level that your comfortable with unless he joins the military and can relate to you more intimately, but over time what you have in common will become less important and the fact you are still friends will be what matters.

I'll tell you this, it's hard as hell to make GOOD friends after high school and to a lesser degree college, it's even harder once you have a wife and kids, there's just less time.

I talk to my best friend growing up from 9th grade on less and less and I'm the asshole that forgets to call more often than not, but we make it a priority to talk on birthdays, holidays, and whenever we're taking a long drive down the highway and have x minutes or hours to talk. Sometimes you have to choose that over silence or the radio, that's where I do most of my catching up with people.
 

ericcris10sen

First Fill-Up (of many)
Yea, maybe it'll be good for me to travel around and just be on my own and enjoy my time by myself for once. But I DEFINITELY need time away from work. It's needed right now.

To be honest, I don't think he'll ever get it. I think he'll always think what he's doing is right and what I do is wrong and it's my fault. He has always been like that. Looks at it from his point of view and not mine. Haha yea that's what I heard and what I've seen. At some of my previous parks, we'd try to have get together's and those people who have families normally wouldn't come unless it's right where they live, and those who are single always come to hang out.

Same here. When I'm with him I definitely enjoy our time together. Hanging out is a lot easier. We always have a good time, we always talk a lot, it's always enjoyable. But I think he just doesn't do distance friendships and doesn't know how to handle them. Me? I've been doing it since I was 18 moving around and being away.
 

Macland

Titan Swapped / SAS'd
Founding Member
I think this thread has ran its course, technically it's against regular forum rules but we have a Let It Out thread in the premium membership section that is for essentially the same thing. So I'm going to close this up to keep the peace.
 
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